A Life Lesson from BJ

BJ Resting Up for His Next Adventure

 

When we began our full-time RV adventure, I was operating under a misconception. I believed that it would be a new adventure every day! But that is a formula for left lane living – rushing from one adventure to another. Instead, the days developed their own routines, and the adventures grew further apart as we ran out of new things to see and do. Also, the constant moving and reduced adventure began to weigh on us. In short, living in the left lane wore us down, and we looked forward to our wintering along the Gulf Coast almost as much as the travels throughout the rest of the year. When the medication supply issue came up, the final nail was driven into the coffin of our full-time life. In the last couple of months, as I have processed all of this, it has become clear that this is a natural process for people entering and going through retirement.

We began our retirement as an extension of the previous 40 years of busyness. After a lifetime of doing stuff, it is hard to imagine a life of not doing stuff. It seemed like a waste of all-too-precious time. As I look back, I wonder if this was a larger part of my desire for wandering than I was (or am) willing to admit. This will take a bit more pondering, but for now, I am interested in understanding our new right-lane lives as part-time RVers.

 

Our challenge will be (as it has always been) finding Joy in the ordinary routines of life. Whether we are on the road or in the apartment, this challenge will be present. In my first book, I described joy as a hallmark of spiritually healthy living, a lesson I learned from a dear companion for 14 years, a Boston Terrier named BJ. In 2009, I wrote:

 

“This dog understood that each and every day was a gift. Sure, he trembled at the first hint of thunder and looked up at us with watery, sad eyes when we left him alone. If anyone so much as slowed down in front of our house he would bark, warning them to stay away from our door. His real gift was the ability to let the sorrows of yesterday stay in the past and the worries of the future stay where they belonged, tomorrow. This little creature allowed the joy of every single day to fill his life with all the good things that life had offered him.” (From “The Journey of a Lifetime: Seeking Spiritual Health” by Robert L. Dees, 2009)

 

Under BJ's tutelage, I began to understand that joy means celebrating each day as a gift from the universe. Some days inspire more gratitude than others. Some may bring joy only at the end. But every day offers us the opportunity to live expectantly, hopefully, in the moment, in connection with others, and with the best of who we are. This gift becomes real in each day's moment-by-moment experiences. Each new day is an opportunity for joy if we have a healthy spirit that reaches out and savor it in our body, mind, and soul. Think of it as carpe diem by a soul that lives in love, trust, and hope.

 

This is what daily joy looks like to this right lane living part-time RV guy.

 

A Good Meal – This may be a plate of Thai food at a new restaurant or a bowl of beanie weenies lovingly prepared by me or by my companion of 50+ years. Sometimes the joy is in the discovery of new flavors. Sometimes it is more about sharing it with people who fill your soul with gratitude and joy, a reminder of the love and connection we share. It may bring back memories of other meals and other people who have sat at the table. It may simply be a quick 8-9 bites that will help your "fuel-up" for the day that promises other kinds of joy. A good meal is a regular opportunity to know that joy awaits the hopeful spirit.

 

The Aroma of the Smoker – I have been an avid BBQ’er for 60 years. The dads in my life taught me the mysteries and magic of combining smoke and meat. Yes, I enjoy eating it, but cooking brings me even more joy. There is something primal about sitting around while the aroma of seasoned meat is being carried on wave after wave of smoke. Is it about some deep need to provide food for the tribe? Maybe. Is it about anticipating the taste of that well-seasoned morsel that I pulled from that rib? Absolutely, a testament to the joy of anticipation. Is it about remembering my Dad opening the 4X6 lid on his hand-built smoker and seeing the joy on his face as he surveyed his day's offerings for the family? Absolutely. Is it about listening to my Father-in-law as he explains the intricacies of "Washington County Mop Sauce" to his new son-in-law, effectively making him part of the family? No doubt! But mostly it is about a moment when my soul celebrates the gift of life as past, present, and future with two simple words, "Thank you!"

 

A Rabbit-like Idea that pops in my mind at 4:30 AM – Most of my best thinking happens between 4:00 and 7:00 AM after an idea has popped up out of the rabbit hole of my dreams. Generally, if it is interesting enough, it will stir my mind to awareness. I will start chasing that "rabbit" from hole to hole. I will add on to the idea or pare it back a tad. It may suggest a new insight or language for understanding it. It may prompt me to set aside an old idea and look at something from a new perspective. Over the years, I have learned to open the notes on my iPhone and start recording a sentence or two of the ideas to get back to sleep without fear of losing the thought. Often, however, I will snuggle back into my pillow only to have the d$%m rabbit pop back out and start running to another hope. This may happen a few times, or it may go on until I reach the point of no return and I get out of bed and start my day. These moments are true gifts and have allowed me to explore places I never thought I could go. Those notes become thinking points that evolve into bits and pieces of an outline that coalesce into a draft of a piece that generally ends up in one of my blogs, where I experience the joy of having written. Every step along the way fills me with the joy of knowing that I am still engaged and celebrating the mystery and wonder of life.

 

Sunshine – As a child of the '60s, I grew up in the sunshine. As children, we were deprived of on-demand, 24-hour entertainment by our televisions, which, along with a radio, were the only electronic devices available. We had to make our own entertainment, which usually involved being outside and with many other neighborhood kids. The sunshine offered freedom, exploration, companionship, adventures, and all the good stuff of life. When I step outside of an air-conditioned building, I celebrate the warmth of the sunshine, drawing me out into the world. I have never minded heat. I am blessed with active sweat glands that provide all the cooling I need on hot Summer (or more recently, Fall, Winter, and Spring) days. Hydration, hats, and hiking have become integral parts of our lives over the last few years. To quote a favorite song, “Sunshine, on my shoulder, makes me happy.” Sunshine reminds me that I am alive! And, in our new lives as part-time RVers, this will be one of the challenges. I am counting on the sunshine to draw me out of my modern, air-conditioned cave.

 

A gentle rain – Paradoxically, along with sunshine, a gentle rain also touches my soul with joy. I grew up in a house with a tin roof. I have glorious memories of lying in bed listening to the rain and thunder echoing through the ceiling. An aged and ill W.C. Fields was reported to need the sound of rain to get some rest. I can completely understand how he felt. Rain showers offer music to my soul. They are precursors for fields of glorious wildflowers. They fill streams with laughing, splashing waters. Gentle rains provide a cooling respite from a Summer Heat Wave. And, in the winter, they could become the most cherished childhood weather, SNOW! A gentle rain allows my soul to know that joy is a constant companion to the mind and body that remembers and experiences its gentle rhythm.

 

Clean laundry – when I was little, clean clothes were just part of life. They appeared periodically in my Chest of Drawers, and I never really gave them a second thought. This continued to be true for most of my life. I would do the occasional load from time to time, but the division of chores in my life generally meant that laundry was not on my daily to-do list. When I retired, this changed a bit. I started doing my own clothes. Marlene did not trust me with the intricacies of laundering her clothes. Since we have been on the road, we have been sharing more and more laundry chores, which has become part of our weekly routine. In the process, I realized that clean clothes do not simply appear. They are the gift of those who understand the esoterica of fabrics, water, and chemicals and then take the time to do the work. When I pull on fresh clothes each morning, I am grateful for the hands and hearts responsible for making these things magically appear.

 

Quiet moments with our best friend – One of the best moments in our lives in the right lane is when I get to spend time with my best friend. We have been together for 51 years, but many of those years were spent working 8-10 hours a day, earning a living and making a life. She and I both did things that we enjoyed, and loved our careers. But now, I look forward to being with her. Note, I said being with her. We enjoy doing things together, but the real magic for me is being in close proximity. We share random thoughts and ideas that we run across. We ask, "What do you want for lunch?" The reply is generally, "I don't know. What do you want?" and is usually followed by a shared smile! These magic moments happen regularly when two people walk together in joy.

 

Frankly, I could keep describing moments when a text appears from a longtime friend, or when I rest my eyes for a quick nap that lasts 45 minutes. Every day is an occasion for joy, even when troubled or disturbed by unfortunate events or circumstances. As long as I remain open to the moments like those listed above, every day is an opportunity for joy. This openness is easier if I stay in the right lane of life. If I stay off the accelerator and let those in a hurry go on, I can enjoy the moment-by-moment joys that appear along the road.

 

Retirement is not for everyone, nor is it about staying busy until you die. For me, retirement is all about finding life in the right lane. I have found new life along this road, and I am grateful to all of you for sharing this path with me. May you find joy in your everyday routine. May every day be an opportunity for joy to lift your soul in gratitude for the gift of life.

 

Travel well, my friends!

 

Blessings,

Bob

Breakfast in the Right Lane

Since adopting this new title for my blog, Right Lane Living has become increasingly meaningful. Initially, it was intended as a play on words for how we traveled in Koko. I limit our speed to 65 mph, so I travel in the right lane along with all the other RVs and trucks. But this idea of life in the right lane has taken on new meaning for our lives, especially now that our year-long travels have had to be curtailed.

 

For me, the right lane has become a place for a “stop and smell the roses” way of life. My theme song is “The 59^th Street Bridge Song” by Simon and Garfunkel that starts out "Slow down, you move too fast…" It reflects a desire to stay in the moment and be present to life as it unfolds. I could go on and on, but I think you deserve a practical example of how my Right Lane Life has evolved over these last 5 months. Welcome to breakfast in Koko.

 

It begins with a slow-brewed cup of coffee. I have used Keurig pods, French presses, and percolators. But I have returned to my tried and true one-cup drip for my morning brew. I assemble all the tools and ingredients I will need for my breakfast. I then pour just enough water into the kettle to fill my mug. I pour just enough coffee into the filter, and when the kettle whistles, I gently pour the water through the coffee slowly and deliberately, allowing the flavors to bloom before dripping into my mug. These moments are savored as I anticipate that first sip of my morning coffee.

 

 

While the coffee drips, I place one cup of water on the burner and turn the heat to high. I confess that I use an induction burner, but this is to save propane, not time. While the water comes to a boil, I measure a heaping half cup of 5-minute oats and set them aside. I then decide what sort of dried fruit and/or nuts I want in my oatmeal. I measure both and add them to the water. When the water boils, I add the oatmeal and set a five-minute timer on Alexa.

 

 

Generally, the coffee has finished dripping, and I discard the grounds and set the cup on the table. I spend the next few minutes thinking about yesterday and today and wrapping my head around the day ahead. When Alexa alerts me that five minutes is up, I return to the stove, turn off the burner, and pour my oatmeal into the bowl.

 

 

My day has begun, and I find myself precisely where I want to be, in the right lane of life, ready to explore what the world offers. During my leisurely breakfast, I may scan AP and Reuters News Services. Or, I may check out Facebook or the list of ideas for the day on our possibilities list. Regardless, the day is well begun. I am ready to keep the 'tires between the lines' and look for new possibilities that may require a detour.

 This slower, more mindful approach to my morning routine has brought a sense of calm and clarity to my day, and I hope you can find similar benefits in your own 'Right Lane Life'.

 

I hope you find ways to live in the right lane daily. I would love to hear about your own 'Right Lane Life' experiences and how you've embraced a slower, more mindful approach to your day. Feel free to share in the comments below.

 

Travel well, my friends. 

Bob

 

Feel free to join me in a sing along.

 

Slow down, you move too fast

You got to make the morning last

Just kicking down the cobblestones

Looking for fun and feeling groovy

Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

 

Hello lamppost, what'cha knowing

I've come to watch your flowers growin'

Ain't you got no rhymes for me?

Doo-ait-n-doo-doo, feeling groovy

Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

 

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep

I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep

Let the morningtime drop all its petals on me

Life, I love you, all is groovy

 

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Paul Simon

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy) lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

 

Detouring Through a Rough Patch

We hit a rough patch last week. After finishing up our last two weeks in Galveston dealing with significant extended family concerns in Central Texas, we had a very frustrating RV drive day to College Station. Then, on arrival, we had several issues with Koko that prevented us from using the water or propane until we had a tech do some repairs. (I have learned that the only thing more expensive than an RV Tech is when I try and do something that is beyond my skill set.) We then spent the last three days helping move Marlene's 98-year-old Dad into an Assisted Living Facility. In the last two weeks, we drove over 750 miles, including five trips through Houston complete with road construction, rush hour traffic, and traffic accidents on all routes. Yep, it has been a rough patch.

 

I can and do get as frustrated by difficult circumstances as anyone. I am as good or better than most in losing my patience and allowing my frustration to become anger or worse. However, when I tire of the bumping and bouncing in my daily life, I run out of anger and frustration. I resign myself to my fate and keep my hands on the steering wheel, let off the gas a bit, and look at the scenery! When this happens, I take advantage of the right lane. I can pull off the road or slow down without causing too much commotion to the others on the road. Or I can exit the road completely and take a break. Finally, the right lane allows me to keep on going so that others who are more frustrated or angry than I am can pass me on the left.

 

The confusion and uncertainty in the world around me are not nearly as devastating as the conversations between my mind, body, and soul. The world around me is what it is. I have little influence over how it behaves, looks, or feels. However, I have some influence over how I respond to it. If my mind stays focused and my body stays engaged in the matters at hand, my soul can relax and live beyond the anger and frustration that keeps bubbling up. I can take the world as it is, riding out each bump at a time and getting through the rough patch. Life in the right lane makes this much simpler.

 

Another facet of life in the right lane, especially through those rough sections, is knowing that the road will even out in time. By keeping this in mind, I avoid making irreversible decisions based on temporary situations and conditions. Unfortunately, I did not remember this on our last trip through Houston to College Station. Before starting out, I consulted Google Maps and saw that I 45 had a series of wrecks slowing down traffic through downtown. I decided to take the tollway around the city center. However, once on the road, we discovered that the toll road entrance from I-45 had also backed up. So, we exited I45 and drove to HWY 6. This route is much slower, but I assumed it would still be quicker than going through that slowdown. Once on HWY 6, we got to Sugar Land, where we picked up the Grand Parkway (the outermost loop around Houston) and started making our way to US 290 and our destination. After more construction and traffic, our 2-hour drive to College Station was 4 hours. This long trip was due to a detour from a detour from a detour from a detour. If I had stayed in the right lane at the first slowdown, we would have reached our destination far faster than our 4-hour ordeal. In this case, saving time costs us another 2 hours. I was in a hurry and did not weigh my choices carefully. Sometimes, I need to ride it out when I find myself in a rough patch. Even when detouring, the right lane taught me a valuable lesson this week.

 

The next two months will be a slow transition to part-time RV life. We are planning on staying in College Station for the next five weeks while Marlene's Dad settles into his new life in the assisted living facility. In addition, we will be cat-sitting for her brother and sister-in-law while they do some much-delayed travel. While in the area, we look forward to exploring this part of Central Texas. In June, we will move to Stafford in Koko and finish our transition to apartment life. 

 

I hope to share our adventures while we are here and let you know how the transition is going. And yes, I am working on possible trips this Fall and next Winter. Our traveling days are not over. We still have places to go, sights to see, and things to do. The anticipation of these future adventures excites me, and I can't wait to share them with you.

 

Travel well, my friends. Thanks for following along. Your support and interest in our journey mean a lot to us, and we are grateful for each and every one of you.

 

Bob

 

“Life is a journey with almost limitless detours.”
~Ken Poirot 

Finding Our Way

 

This will be our last week in Galveston. This five-month stay was necessary and is ending for equally necessary reasons. Our next move to College Station for six weeks is also necessary. It will lead to our final move to Stafford, TX, in June, where we will establish our new lives as apartment dwellers. All these necessary decisions would have frustrated me a few years ago. I did not like necessary choices. I resisted “having to make a choice” and would generally allow my frustration to choose a different path. I believed I was choosing freedom, but, in fact, I was letting unknown or unacknowledged forces dictate my choices. I was anything but free. But, despite the necessity of these most recent choices, we have freely chosen them. We are very comfortable with the changes they represent. I am not angry, frustrated, or sad about leaving the road. I may be disappointed, but I am comfortable with the path ahead. This comfort is the direct result of reading a 500-year-old book 17 years ago.

 

Before that book, I would find my way in life by picking a goal and then building a plan. It was not unlike using a map to find our way across the country. I would stick a pin where I wanted to go, draw a line, and then find a route that stuck as close to the line as possible. This was how my Dad planned our family vacation to Yellowstone in 1966. With the route tucked in his pocket, he backed out of the driveway on his way home. His route was dictated by his desire to get home by the shortest route possible. All along the way, he was a captive to this one goal and could not choose or even be aware of the many options for each day. He was neither free to choose his path nor able to enjoy it very much. He was either getting there or going home. There was nothing else to consider or experience. Right Lane Living, informed by a Spanish Courtier who lived 500 years ago, has allowed me more freedom and joy than Daddy ever knew in his travels.

 

This courtier was Ignatius of Loyola. He was born into a wealthy, merchant-class family and lived the courtly life of wine, women, and fighting. Family honor demanded that he join the King’s Army when he came of age, but he was gravely wounded at the Battle of Pamplona in 1521. We spent the next two years recovering in a religious community where all he had to read was the Bible and the Lives of the Saints. In those two years, his life was transformed. He started paying attention to the many desires that bubbled up in his mind and soul. His reading helped him understand that there were two sources of these desires (good and evil) and that they were pushing and shoving him this way and that. He began to “discern” these spirits in life. He then developed spiritual exercises to help him find his way through these desires.

 

He spent the rest of his life paying attention to these forces and choosing his path accordingly. He banded with two friends and founded the Society of Jesus, the Jesuits, on poverty, chastity, and charity. Along the way, he became one of the dominant voices in post-reformation Roman Catholic Christianity. Over the last 500 years, his Spiritual Exercises have become a classic text for those who study the spiritual life. It is still in print and read by millions of people worldwide. (If you want to learn more about Ignatius and his exercises, look him up on Wikipedia or ask ChatGPT to describe Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises.)

 

A core element of Ignatius’ exercises is the discernment of the movements within us. The Good is pushing us one way and pulling us back from another. Evil is doing the same. This is the origin of the cartoon image of having an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil sitting on the other, whispering in our ears. Ignatius learned that we need to pay attention to everything we feel and hear, discern its origin, whether it is from the good or the evil, and then make our choices accordingly. For me, the Good is love and trust, joy and hope. The evil is selfishness and distrust, resignation and despair. By listening to the movement of these elements in my mind, body, and soul, a path rises and reveals itself. Then, I can make an informed and free choice. This discernment process empowers me to freely choose the road ahead at each new intersection in life, knowing that I am not held captive by whichever voice is louder at the moment.

 

I am deeply grateful to Ignatius and those who have helped me find a way through life's twisted and tangled roads. He allows me the freedom to choose the road ahead and not be held hostage to my fears, prejudices, false assumptions, and unchallenged ideas. Through his writing, I have experienced a profound journey of personal growth, seeing the power of choosing love, trust, joy, and hope to reveal a future worth living. He has helped me stop and change course when new opportunities and circumstances present themselves.

 

Do I always listen to this inner voice? No, but when I come up short, I can stop, take a breath, and start again with the new reality of all I have learned from taking a lesser path. Indeed, this way of living has allowed me to follow Carlos Casteneda's 'path with heart' and claim the fullness of life, which is the birthright of every human being! While the way ahead may be murky, I step boldly on the road ahead with hope and anticipation, knowing that it holds ample opportunities for all I desire, a good life!

 

Thank you, Ignatius. I couldn't have done this without you!

 

Travel well, my friends!

 

Bob

 

St. Ignatius of Loyola

 

Interesting Times!!!

 

I have a love affair with the word “Interesting." This old word initially referred to something that drew our attention because it was important or merely different. The infinitely curious celebrate things that are interesting. But many people feel either "meh" or "thumbs down" when they encounter something interesting. Generally, I celebrate interesting things and events. But I must admit, the last three weeks have challenged my relationship with “interesting.”

 

Since returning from Rockport last month, we have been in constant motion mentally, emotionally, and physically. We have enjoyed visits from some longtime friends and spent time with the family in Texas City. But in between these good times, I have been fighting a battle with the US Healthcare System, trying to sort out my thoughts on the changes happening in our society and discerning our long-term plans. Yep, it has definitely been interesting!

 

The first couple of weeks after getting back from Rockport, I began trying to sort out how to get my medications while on the road. Aetna, our drug insurance carrier, and Caremark, the mail-order pharmacy, have not been helpful. Aetna does not allow a 90 supply of one of my medications. Caremark struggles to fulfill orders promptly because it takes a couple of days to get an order approved. Then, they ship with USPS, which is notoriously unpredictable. Unfortunately, the customer care resources online and by phone are ill-equipped to do anything other than offer AI-generated responses to questions. If you do not ask the right question in a precise way, the responses are incomplete or wrong. After two weeks of life on the healthcare merry-go-round, it became clear that there was no way I could get the meds I needed to live my best life on the road. This meant I had to face a second “interesting” experience. It was time to discern what our long-term future would look and feel like.

 

This discernment process involved several questions: Should we keep Koko and Nakai and go back to part-time RV life? Should we sell our rig and travel exclusively by plane, train, and automobile? Should we settle down in Central Texas or the Houston Area?

 

I used the same skills we used to discern our move to full timing. (Thank you, St. Ignatius!) We discussed, pondered, researched, imagined, and sat with options until our future appeared out of the mist. You already know the result of all this. We are leaving Full-time RV life and entering part-time RV life in Houston. We will keep Koko and Nakai for now and begin to expand our travel repertoire as we explore new spaces and places. This process has been interesting, But, in this case, it is like saying a visit to the dentist is interesting. Necessary, but I am happiest when it is over.

 

Also, during all this, I struggled to complete a Blog Series about life in the resistance. As a boomer, I came of age during the dawn of the Age of Aquarius. I have never been a "hippie," but I have been a resistor to the promotion of racism and injustice against the marginalized because they differ from the mainstream (read white male.) Now that I am entering the late afternoon of my Aquarian years, I need to reframe what this resistance looks like and what it means to our society. I did this in a four-part series of blogs on my “American in Exile” blog. It has been an interesting (there’s that word again) exercise. I summed up a lifetime of thought and action and reframed it for a new generation who will write their own words on their protest signs. I found hope in this writing exercise. This hope has always been a key component of my resistance. (Cue the song “We Shall Overcome.”) After fighting the strong cultural headwinds of our times, the blog gave me a hope born from our life in the right lane where joy finds its way into my soul.

 

During all this exploring and pondering, we had a visit from our longtime friends, Mike and Candy. After an enjoyable lunch, we went out and did a little birding. Here are a few shots from our afternoon on Galveston Island. This was a much-needed respite from all that “interesting” living.

The Marsh along Sportsman's Road

Yellow-crowned Night Heron

Great Blue Heron

Young Yellow-crowned Night Heron

Black-necked Stilts

Hanging out a Laffite's Cove

Pair of Blue Wing Teals

Black-bellied Whistling Duck

White Ibis

Little Blue Heron

A Territorial Dispute

Another Territorial Dispute

Bath Time

Coexistence

Dale and Terri, our friends from Missouri, came to Galveston for some sunshine and visiting. We spent three days with them, exploring Galveston and catching up with each other. Again, this enjoyable respite helped me find the energy to complete our discernment of the future and reflect on our present.

 

At the 1900 Storm Memorial

The Grand Galvez

Murdock's Bathhouse and the Pleasure Pier

The Seawall at 25th Street.

The USS Stewart

Navigation Room

The Bridge

Captain's Quarters

Crew Quarters

The USS Texas in Galveston Harbor

The Strand

The Strand Celebrates Jazz

Juneteenth Memorial on the Strand

Dale and his Great Uncle's Namesake, USS Stewart

Torpedo Room on the Cavalla Submarine

Sub Galley

Dale in the Crew Quarters of the Sub

Torpedo Tube

Forward Torpedo Tubes

Up Top

Yes, it has been an interesting three weeks. But now we are entering a time for transitions. We hope to be in our new apartment somewhere in Fort Bend County by July 1^st. Koko will be safely tucked away in a safe storage facility and awaiting a few repairs before taking us on a short trip in the fall. We have several family members facing more difficult transitions, and we will also be there for them.

 

Our time in the right lanes of life has prepared us for this road ahead. We make our plans but know we cannot control what happens on the road ahead. But all shall be well as long as I can remember that it is the journey, not the destination, that matters. Why? because I know that joy awaits us in the right lane. Embracing the joy in the journey will make the road ahead more than simply interesting. It will transform it into an adventure, filled with optimism and hope.

 

The adventure continues, and I am glad you are still with us in the Right Lane.

 

I am grateful for your companionship on this journey. Travel well, my friends.

Bob

 

My Companion and Best Friend